Friday, October 23, 2009

Another great (and oh-so-gay) piece of gaming PR

I'm not sure I'd say this Aksys Games press release is "better" than the one mentioned in my last post, but it's certainly gayer:


Behold! Drink Your Protein Shake And Witness The Birth Of The Manliest Shooter EVER!

Torrance, CA (October 13th, 2009) – Aksys Games, a publisher of interactive entertainment products, proudly brings you this announcement, in exaltation of all that is manly: in spring 2010, Cho Aniki Zero will be oiled up and ready to thrust its way onto your PSP (PlayStation Portable) system! Sold exclusively as a digital download through the PlayStation Store, Cho Aniki Zero gives players the chance to take part in an epic struggle alongside heroes Idaten and Benten as they blast through the muscle-bounded forces of Emperor Balzac II.

Cho Aniki Zero brings manliness back to the old-school shoot-em-up genre and, warps it to another dimension of sights and sounds. In Cho Aniki Zero, players will be introduced to brand-new characters and newly heightened experiences of rhythmic action, intertwined with the famous BGM of Kouji Hayama. Battle through five man-rageous levels of brotherly love and muscle-on-muscle madness!

The Story So Far…

Since the death of Balzac, the Builder Planet has celebrated a long period of peace.

However, as time goes by, protein becomes scarce, and protein deficiency is soon a serious problem for the Builder Planet. As people struggle for control over what protein is left, Balzac II begins his subtle rise to power…

Learning of his return, Idaten and Benten take up arms and begin their man-tastic voyage…

“Cho Aniki Zero is a real trip,” said Frank “Bo” deWindt II, Associate Producer, Aksys Games. “It’s wacky, hilarious, and just plain fun. Be it the crazy characters, the challenging gameplay, or even the out-of-this-world enemies, you’ll find yourself chugging down protein shakes between levels before you know it!

Key Features:

Choose between Idaten and Benten, then select your “Option” (sidekick) such as Samson, Adon, or Micha & El. Defeat Emperor Balzac before he claims the universe’s protein for himself!

Too much man-action on the screen? Collect enough Man Protein to unleash the devastating attack of the Men’s Beam!

Blaze through five man-mazing levels of love, and bear witness to the birth and rebirth of some of the greatest bromances of all time!

Cho Aniki Zero offers multiple paths that leads to various endings for our muscle-bound heroes!

Does anyone write better press releases than the folks at Atlus?

The answer to that question, of course, is an emphatic "no." Case in point, the Irvine, Calif.-based company's latest piece of PR wizardry:


Not you, though. We were only laughing at the other guys.

IRVINE, CALIFORNIA -- OCTOBER 23, 2009 -- Atlus U.S.A., Inc. today broke from its supposed practice of undersupplying the retail channel and guffawing as fans desperately scramble to find one of only dozens of copies of a game by releasing a number of titles from its PSP® (PlayStation®Portable) system library via PlayStation®Network: Crimson Gem Saga™, Hammerin' Hero™, Yggdra Union™, Steambot Chronicles Battle Tournament™, R-Type Command™, and Riviera: The Promised Land™. As digital downloads, the games no longer threaten fans with feelings of guilt and remorse for not pre-ordering or purchasing at launch, and instead now allow for pajama-clad living room shopping from an unlimited inventory.

"We've finally reached a point where, according to our physicians, any further laughing at our masterfully executed plan of never making enough copies of our games for everyone poses risks to our health," admitted Aram Jabbari, Manager of PR and Sales at Atlus. "In order to prevent illness, and because, hey, sometimes you just want to change things up, we're very pleased to offer PSP system classics via digital download. It may mean that we'll have to shut down our numerous online auction accounts, as we won't be able to hoard large quantities of our hard-to-find games and then slowly trickle them out at obscenely high prices anymore, but the end result will be better for everyone."

The Atlus PSP system legacy titles now available for digital download cover a broad range of genres, so whatever your fancy, there's something to strike it. If you prefer action-packed platforming, you'll love Hammerin' Hero. If you're more into hot-and-heavy mech-on-mech action, then Steambot Chronicles Battle Tournament is right up your alley. Crimson Gem Saga offers classic RPG fans with an epic adventure laced with interesting characters and witty dialogue. Riviera: The Promised Land provides a unique take on the JRPG and an immersive story about a war between gods and demons, while strategy fans are sure to enjoy the deep, rewarding gameplay of Yggdra Union and R-Type Command.

I swear, if I lived in (or around) Irvine, Calif., instead of Seattle, I'd do whatever I could to secure a job in Atlus' PR department.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

My prayers have been answered: Muscle March is coming to the West!

I've bought my fair share of WiiWare games in the last few years, but I doubt I've enjoyed any of them as much as I'll enjoy Namco-Bandai's Muscle March.

I mean, how could I *not* enjoy chasing protein-powder-stealing baddies while sporting a thong and striking poses that would make Arnold Schwarzenegger proud?

Anyway, according to the folks over at, the steroid-stuffed title will soon be released in Germany (and, presumably, the rest of Europe), which means it'll likely will show up in the States sooner or later as well.

In the meantime, take a gander at the game's oh-so-Japanese trailer:

Monday, October 19, 2009

OK, so I'm a bit obsessed with 3D Dot Game Heroes

Quite a few PS3 games have captured my attention in the past few years (Katamari Forever, Little Big Planet and Valkyria Chronicles, especially), but none of them have piqued my interest enough to get me to plop down $299 on the system.

3D Dot Game Heroes may be the game that pushes me over the edge--assuming it's released in the U.S., of course. I mean, how could I *not* want a PS3 after watching this trailer:

Another reason my knees give out on me when I think about this game: The images on the loading screens parody/recreate the box art of a number of classic 8-bit and 16-bit titles, including Castlevania, Dragon Quest, Mega Man and Street Fighter II.

I know who I'm dressing up as next Halloween...

I won't be dressing up as anyone this Halloween, as I'll be on vacation (yay!), but next year I may dress up as Princess Peach just to mess with everyone's heads :)

As such, I'll have to save the link to this article, which details some of the best and worst Princess Peach costumes around.

Full disclosure: I've never dressed up as a video game character for Halloween, though I've dressed as a woman quite a few times. Last year, in fact, I dressed up as Sinead O'Connor--mainly because I had just shaved my head.