Monday, January 04, 2010

The best (and probably gayest) ESRB ratings summary ever

The Entertainment Software Ratings Board recently posted on its website a ratings summary for Namco Bandai's upcoming WiiWare release, Muscle March. To say it's hilarious is an understatement of monumental proportions.

"Bodybuilders dressed in super-tight Speedos chase down a "protein thief" through cities, villages, and space in this whimsical puzzle-action game. Pedestrians, straphangers, school teachers, farmers, police officers, and librarians are fully clothed as they go about their business; the bodybuilders—not so much.

"Players must perform correct poses to fit through dozens of holes-in-walls created by the fleeing thief. If players do not pose correctly while running, their muscle men (and one woman) will crash through the walls and lose their stamina. Losing stamina means collapsing to the ground face-first, buttocks-last (flexed gluteus facing the screen)

"It may also mean that between stages, the happy bodybuilders can dance together in space, throw rocks by the riverside, or flex their pectorales major on menu screens (the lone female bodybuilder flexes her chest muscles, too).

"But the running gag in the game is the odd juxtaposition of traipsing bodybuilders, scantily clad, with the fully clothed working city dwellers—librarians' eyes agape at seeing their reference sections destroyed by the Posing Ones."

I find the bolded portions particularly funny, by the way.

Oh, and if anyone knows who wrote the rating summary for this game, please let me know--I want that person's job :)


Viewtiful_Justin said...

That's hysterical! I'm so buying this game. I'll start saving my Wii points now!

Bryan Ochalla said...

Oh, me too. Day one--whenever that is. Hopefully soon. Even if it sucks, it'll surely be a game you can whip out and show friends. "You have to see this crazy game I just bought!"