Thursday, July 01, 2010

Hubba hubba

Thanks to the prevailing wisdom that all video gamers are hormonally charged heterosexual men, most developers design their wares with that demographic in mind. As such, it should be no surprise that big-breasted babes abound in much of the software sold in stores today.

That doesn’t mean gay guys are left with no one to ogle when they fire up a game on their PlayStation 3s, Xbox 360s or Wiis. In fact, more than a handful of hunks have paraded across the screen over years, with the following list highlighting the hottest:

Guile (Street Fighter series)—The Street Fighter series has hosted a number of hotties over the years, but Guile stands head and shoulders above the rest thanks to his military background. (After all, who doesn’t like a hot guy in a uniform?) He loses a few points for the weird ‘do, but everything else is so spot on that it can be overlooked.

Leon S. Kennedy (Resident Evil series)—Leon Kennedy proves you can be fashion-forward even while working to rid the world of zombies. Thankfully, he seems to be a looker even without the bomber jacket, tight jeans and manicured mane. Now Capcom (the game’s producer) needs to give him a few alternate outfits to prove that point. Here’s an idea: Maybe he could run around in his tighty whities in the series’ next sequel?

Kratos (God of War I and II)—Why is this guy hot? Well, for starters, his designers were inspired by Greek mythology—Hercules in particular. Unfortunately, they also made him sociopathic. Considering it looks like he stepped, dripping with sweat, out of a particularly steamy piece of Gladiator fanfic, I’m willing to give him a pass for not being completely sane.

Solid Snake (Metal Gear Solid)—If Snake were a character in a movie, he’d be James Bond. Instead of hanging out at casinos and having sex with supermodels, though, he’d be swimming through swamps and eating rats. OK, so Daniel Craig doesn’t have much to worry about when it comes to casting the next 007 flick. That said, I doubt Snake would be caught dead packing his Speedo.

Frank West (Dead Rising)— Frank isn’t the most photogenic guy in the world (his schnoze is a bit suspect, for starters), but he exudes a cool confidence that puts any and all of his superficial shortcomings to shame. (The leather jacket and unbuttoned shirt help matters as well.) Of course, I guess you have to be confident when your job consists of killing zombies.

El Blaze (Virtua Fighter 5)— Professional wrestlers may lack a few things--a sense of style, a well-developed vocabulary--but at least some of them are easy on the eyes. That’s certainly the case with the shirtless (and disturbingly shiny) El Blaze, the latest addition to Sega’s seminal series of fighters. Now if only we could convince him to ditch the silly mask...

Dante (Devil May Cry series)—Here we go again: Another game character who’s dedicated to exterminating demons. While Dante’s designers may have been creatively challenged when they came up with his back story, they obviously worked through their issues when they brought him to life physically. He’s definitely a bit of a pretty boy, what with that chic hairstyle, red leather jacket and low-rise jeans, but the tight abs and well-defined chest are sure to attract guys with all tastes.

Vaan (Final Fantasy XII)—Finally, a twink! Vaan’s a 17-year-old street urchin who dreams of becoming a “sky pirate.” Whatever. In the real world, you just know Vaan would be sashaying around town while ogglers of both genders follow his every move.

See also: 'Hubba hubba, part deux'

Note: This article first appeared (in July 2007) on the now-defunct with the headline, "Video Gaming's Hottest Hunks." 


Viewtiful_Justin said...

That Leon Kennedy...*fanboy sigh*...dreamy. I'd be running after him shouting LEON! like the president's daughter if I were with him, too...and it doesn't hurt that if there was a zombie apocalypse, I'd be relatively safe!


Bryan Ochalla said...

Ha! Leon's too much of a pretty boy for me, to tell you the truth. I'd probably swoon over someone like Kratos instead -- if, you know, Kratos were an actual (sane) human being and if I were single...

Viewtiful_Justin said...

Right. If. Ha! Well, the first thing I'd do is mess up Leon's hair. Eww.